There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
