thus making me awesome and them whores
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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