Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
