During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
That accounts for only three of the penises
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
