I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
