I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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