considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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