I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
