Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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