I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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