I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
