Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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