I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
