i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
