I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Randomize
