you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I think a kid would responsible me up
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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