a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
birth control should be required to get into college
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Randomize
