I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
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