I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
