Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
