I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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