Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
