so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
you never un-have a 4some
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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