JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
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