Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Randomize
