3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
