I'm sorry my penis didn't work
So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Randomize
