Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
