anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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