I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Randomize
