My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
