I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
