yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Randomize
