it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
