You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
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