if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
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