Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Randomize
