he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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