Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
