I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Who died my cat blue again?
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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