and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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