Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Randomize
