I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Randomize
