Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
