i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
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