I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
wat bout pragnant strippers??
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
