he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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