Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
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