I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
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