Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
