I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
