Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize
