Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
They have beer where we have blood.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
