Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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