I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy�
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
