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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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